The Present

As I reflect on why that is, I can't escape the desire to blame it on the lack of time.  An entire day ~16 hours of being awake with the potential and intention to be productive quickly becomes filled.  With what?

Sometimes amazing things - visiting friends in Charleston, enjoying the beach, celebrating my sister's engagement, coffee with my mother-in-law, dinner with my parents.

Sometimes not so great things - constantly checking my phone for an update of what my mom is finding out while she waits for news in the emergency room, empathizing with a friend going through a lot of change and uncertainty, feelings of anxiety and doubt around my own dreams and goals, or just plain lack of motivation.

And then there are just the "things" - wash dishes, fold laundry, vacuum the floor, respond to emails, call the dentist, amazon order, text friends back, Netflix, workout, grocery store, 8 hours of career work.

And now where in all of this going on do I fit in the fun things I actually want to spend my day doing - golf, tanning, starting a business, reading, getting involved in church, loving and encouraging others (my husband included), writing and recording episodes for my recently launched podcast, and blogging?

I began writing this post today hoping it would feel therapeutic/be a space to vent my thoughts and frustration with the illusive 16 hours a day that I have, but it is doing more than that.  As I am writing this, I realize that we probably all feel this way.  We all think about the things we want to do in a day.  We intend to do them.  We desire to do them.  I feel like I, and hopefully I am not the only one, think about my day initially as if it will just go exactly as planned.  I will get in a workout today, and clean the house, and work on my business, and cook a nice dinner to eat with my husband, and do a good job at work.

Then life does what it likes to do and you accidentally slept too late to hit the gym, you end up getting roped into a meeting at work that you didn't account for, have to book an appointment, doing the laundry took longer than you thought it would, and then you realize right before dinner time that you don't have anything to cook that will actually make a whole meal.

Where did the day go?

Where did the week go?

Where did the whole first quarter of the year go?!

Distracted and reactive on autopilot is how most of us live.

Just showing up for whatever the day brings.

I'm gonna be honest, sometimes I actually like my days to be like this.  I kind of like taking my hands off the weel so to speak and just going through each minute deciding what I feel like doing at that moment, free to be able to say yes if an invitation comes up, not be ashamed if I binge watch a TV show, and be proud of any type of progress I make in the day.  No expectations, no disappointment.

The problem with that mindset is that it is what leads to the feeling of wondering where all of the time went.  When we simply coast through life riding whatever waves roll in that day, we can eventually feel like we ran out of time.

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I wrote the above two weeks ago.

One week ago, my husband and I were riding bikes all around Kiawah Island.  We sat on a dock in Rhett's Bluff thinking about how we want to have a house there one day.  A big, yet somewhat shallow dream.

On our way back home that Sunday we listened to one of Craig Groeschel's sermons and he talked about keeping our eyes fixed on what's eternal.  

We talked about our desire to have a home on Kiawah Island and how if we are going to have that one day, we want it to be a result of hard work and following the Lord's path for us, not from our own striving for a lifestyle of luxury. 

I started thinking, how much of my time is focused on things that are eternal?

What counts as things that are eternal?

Spending time with God, of course.

Investing in relationships and being intentional about asking questions and actively listening and being engaged in the conversation, yes.

Sharing the joy, love and kindness of Jesus even with strangers who aren't that nice to you, yes.

Reading and exercising and enjoying being outside, yes.

Mindlessly scrolling on social media, watching TV for an hour a day, getting frustrated by bad drivers, being envious, anxiously rushing from thing to thing because you think you are running out of time, listening to the voice that says you aren't measuring up, not so much.

This may sound extreme, but I want to get to Heaven knowing that I gave this life my best effort.  That my heart sought Him and longed to do His will.  That my life made a difference and had an impact, not for any of my own glory but for His!  I want to share how awesome He is because He deserves for the world to know there is a better way.  I don't want to get there and say, but the couch and Netflix and my blanket and wine and candle were just too cozy.

Of course, nothing we do can earn our salvation.  And rest and enjoyment are biblical.  But what I am saying is my heart and soul look around at my life sometimes and scream why do you even care about this stuff?  It doesn't really matter.  

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-24

My treasure is living this life to serve the One who gave it to me.  And part of serving Him is serving others.  And using the gifts, talents, resources, and community He has given me to honor and glorify His name.  

How much of my day is focused on that?