Golf's Similarity to Life

"Golf is a game that is mainly played on a 5 inch course - the distance between your ears" the great Bobby Jones paints an illustration through this famous quote of just how mental the game of golf is.  It's just you and your clubs and thousands of possibilities that lay ahead of you with each shot you are faced with.  There is no team around you to help when you aren't playing your best.  There is no subbing out.  There is no one calling the shots or picking you up when your confidence is stolen by the gut-wrenching sight of your ball splashing as it does not make it over the water.  It's just you.  Left there with a choice - what do I do now?  Or, to be more accurate, the choice is actually is what will you think now?

To be good at golf, skill and technique and properly fitted clubs are, of course, necessary.  I would say that being able to break 90 consistently means you are a good golfer.  According to an article on Golf Monthly, about 25% of golfers regularly break 90 and only 5% regularly score below 80. (How Many Golfers Break 90? | Golf Monthly)

Outside of the obvious 2 strokes, what separates an 81 from a 79?  The penalty shot incurred from the ball rolling just across the OB line?  The two putts that skimmed over the edge of the hole?  The bunker that was impossible to get out of?  Maybe.. but 2 lost strokes can always be found, even in the "perfect" rounds.  So, what separates the 80s from the 70s?  I would argue that it is not just skill and talent.  It is not more practice or a better coach.  It is actually your mind.

Going back to the scenario of your ball plummeting into the water, do you immediately think, "ugh, I suck. I knew I should have hit the other club.  Why have I been pulling everything? This is so embarrassing.  Now I need to chip it in to save par." and on and on something like that?  Or, do you think something along the lines of, "Okay, that's not what I planned.  But, its alright, one bad shot, brush it off.  Let's move on to the next one.  I can chip it close from over there"?  One reaction starts a snowball of doubt, discouragement, stress and negativity.  The other keeps the mind, and therefore the body, stable, positive, and equipped to deal with the outcome.

The "one shot at a time" mentality I think we can all agree is a brilliant guide to golf and to life.  But why is it so dang hard?  Because golf is hard.  Life is hard.  They are both unpredictable, uncontrollable, at times unfair, long games comprised of a series of varying decisions with countless outcomes.

Another wonderful Bobby Jones quote, "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life.  You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play the ball where it lies."  

Oh how I wish I could change my lie at times.

And I don't think I am the only one.

But, as golf as in life, we do not decide our lie.  We cannot control the wind.  We cannot control the absolutely perfect ball path the brings our ball face to face with the flagstick which ricochets it into the water.  (Maybe you and I aren't good enough to compare ourselves to the one and only Tiger Woods in the 2013 Masters, but you get the point).  Despite our best efforts, you and I, and even Tiger Woods, have no control.

"Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"  Matthew 6:27

Why do we worry?  Why do we try to take control?  Why when faced with a bad outcome do we try to get so far ahead in fixing it?

I remember when I used to play competitive golf thinking about my score the entire round.  One bogey here, 73.  Oh no, I made a double, now I'm at 75.  No.. you're at 10, and you have 16 holes left to play.  This is similar to the glass half full or the glass half empty... you have 16 holes left to try to keep your total score from being over 75, or you have 16 holes left to get your score down to 72.. it is possible.  An even better thought process here is, you have 16 holes to enjoy being outside, playing a sport you love, enjoying time with friends, family, or complete strangers.  A time to look at the beauty around you, spend time observing yourself and chasing personal improvement.  

You have 100 years, give or take, to live your one and only life.  How do you think of yourself?  Of each day? Of each year?  Are they positive thoughts? How do you deal with set backs, mistakes, disappointments?  How do you deal with success?  What about when things are actually going right?

When I played competitively, I was often a spiral out there on the fresh cut green grass.  Score and the fear of not being good enough echoed in my mind.  Occasionally, it would get quiet enough for me to stay in the moment.  One round in particular that I will always remember was my senior year of college playing in a tournament in Edisto.  It was the first round of the day that we would go on to play 36 holes.  I had a few not-so-great holes to start out and was feeling a little blah, down, and to be quite frank, uninterested.  But, I remembered that my parents were on the way to watch.  They were taking time off to drive down and watch me play in one of my last collegiate tournaments!  This cheered me up a little, tightened my focus and determination.  I remember thinking, "I am not going to lackadaisically meander through this long day while my parents have come here to watch.  No, I will get my score back down and be rocking and rolling by the time they get here!" 

And I did.

I made 6 birdies.  My only focus was playing well because they came to watch, and I was going to give them something to be proud of making the drive to come see. 

*Notice these thoughts.  They are positive, determined, and unrelenting*

As I drained a probably 20something foot putt from off the green for birdie on my 15th hole, I looked over to see my parents smiling faces.  My mom practically jumping up and down as she clapped her hands in excitement with the over-the-top pride that only moms have for their children.  And I loved it. I was thriving on it.  

Until it vanished.

As this was a 36 hole day, we had a shot gun start and I had begun my round on hole 13.  Therefore, my 15th hole was actually hole number 9.  Which means, we were right by the club house, where a lot of other people were and had just seen me make an impressive and unlikely putt.  As I watched my parents excitement, I saw my mom turn toward one of my teammates moms and my coach and excitedly filled them in on my round.  They both looked up at me with surprised smiles.

And it dawned on me.  "I am 4 under par."

I had never been 4 under par before!

I still had three holes to play!

I could shoot in the 60s! For the FIRST TIME EVER!

For the first time in this round, my heart rate sped up, a surge of heat ran through my body, my nervous system in fight or flight mode, fully engaged. 

"This is only a par 71, if I can birdie the next hole, I'll shoot 66!  I have never shot 66. If I make two more birdies, I could shoot 65.  If I birdie my last three, 64!  What the heck, can I even do that?"

Can I even do that?  *The thoughts have now become outcome driven, skeptical, doubtful*

"Okay, stay in the moment.  I will have a good score."

I hit the green in regulation on each of my last three holes.  And I three putted every single one of them.  

With disappointment, a lump in my throat, and tears burning my eyes as I tried to hold in my breath so as to not utterly fall apart, I signed my scorecard showing 70 (-1).  The last thing I wanted to do at this point was begin another round.  I felt defeated.

Who defeated me? The course? No, myself.

Had my skill magically showed up that day and then disappeared just as fast? 

No.  Because the difference between me 2putting the last three holes and turning in a 67 and the real life 3 3putts in a row 70 all came down to my thoughts.

The last three holes consisted of nerves, quick breaths, and obsessive thoughts about my score.

The 12 hole stretched where I played 6 under par consisted of positive thoughts, one shot at a time, determination to make my parents proud. 

Do you see the difference here?

Maybe you read this and think its overly dramatic, 70 is still a great score.  That is not the point.  The point is not the score, but the mentality and thought life that brought it about.

Maybe you have not had a similar experience in golf or another sport, but have you in life?  Have you turned a not-so-great circumstance into something better?  Have you allowed your negative thoughts and desire for control of the future to run rampant to the point of ruining a good thing?

This is what we want to lock into.  This is where the power is.  It's all in the mind.

My last Bobby Jones quote of this article, "The main idea in golf as in life, I suppose is to learn to accept what cannot be altered and to keep on doing one's reasoned and resolute best whether the prospect be bleak or rosy."

I did not know the morning on that day in March 2019 that I would shoot a 70.  When I hit it OB on the second hole, I did not know I would even come close to that.  

When I realized I was 4 under with 3 to play, I did not think I would end up only 1 under.

We don't always know the possibilities ahead.  We don't always know the obstacles ahead.

The only thing we can control, is our thoughts.

Maybe our most productive practice will be that of focusing on one round, one shot, one swing, one day at a time.